Parenting to Impress

Simple Steps to Starting a Family Bible Time

• Heidi Franz @ ABCJesusLovesMe • Episode 63

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Let’s do some shocking math for a moment. If your family goes to church for three hours a week, that only accounts for 1.8% of your entire week. While those three hours in corporate worship are vital, we can't hold the church responsible for the spiritual growth of our children. We must bring God's Word into our homes.

Family Bible time is one more opportunity to consistently nurture your child’s faith beyond Sundays. You aren't creating a mini-church service—just a simple time of learning together who God is and what He does. Discover simple ideas you can begin today as well as tips for working with your spouse and kids who don't want to join the time.

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Melanie Simpson Co-host 00:00

Heidi, one of the most common questions that we get from parents is about how to start a family devotional in their homes, because it can be really intimidating. As with a lot of things, there are so many options.  How do you pick the right thing and are you going to do it the right way? I'm excited to have this conversation today.

Heidi Franz Host 00:21

Welcome back to Parenting, to Impress your go-to podcast, to learn practical ways to love God and love others and impress this on the hearts of your children. I am your host, Heidi Franz, and I am joined by my dear friend, Melanie Simpson.  Two moms who have made a lot of mistakes but have found grace and truth along the way.

Melanie, this is a common question that we get on the ABCJesusLovesMe Facebook group. What is a family devotional? Why is it important? How do you start? What should be included? What should not be included? Let's start with this question of why is it even important?

Being a math nerd, I went to the calculator and figured some information to help us understand why family devotionals are so important. First of all, there's 168 hours in a week. Let's say you attend church with your family for three hours a week. Three hours in church is 1.8% of your week. That is a very small percentage of the week. I was really surprised how small it was because we think, “Our kids will learn about God at church,” but that's such a small percentage of their lives.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 01:43

It really is. Even if the church learning is jam-packed with wonderful teaching and Bible reading. Clearly we've got to do something as parents to come alongside our kiddos and nurture that spiritual discipline of spending time in the Word.

Heidi Franz Host 01:59

Yeah.  We cannot depend upon the church to own the spiritual growth of our children. We have to bring God's Word into our homes.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 02:07

If we were to kind give a step-by-step instructional booklet to moms and dads, grandparents, and caregivers, what would step number one be?

Heidi Franz Host 02:17

You've got to start with prayer, because anytime you want to make God part of your home, you want to make reading the Bible prayer part of your home, the enemy is going to do what he can to discourage you. We need to put on the armor of God. Invite God to be part of this and to lead this new step that we're wanting to do as a family.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 02:41

Prayer is a means of preparing our own hearts so that we can lay out all of our concerns, all of our anxieties, all of our fears. Praying on the front end will help you really cut off any of those unmet expectations.

Heidi Franz Host 02:57

If you want to destroy family devotions, have unrealistic expectations and don't be on the same page as your spouse. Let's talk about some expectations that you had.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 03:14

We all just want the picture perfect, gathered around the hearth or at the kitchen table family devo. And I'll be honest, there were 60 seconds out of the 18 years that that happened. So don't fret, it too can be your experience!

We had four kids - three boys, one girl.  We had pets.  We had people who were working full time. Most of the time it was not picture perfect. When we had littles, we put out things to keep their hands busy. We had play dough at the table and Bible coloring pages at the table. The expectation was not that our three, four, five-year-olds were going to sit for an hour.

It's exactly what ABCJesusLovesMe.com lines out. Know the age of your child and what is developmentally appropriate. The expectations need to match your child.

In giving a child play dough to play with or a coloring sheet, I'm not advocating for a lack of reverence. I feel very strongly that there has been a pendulum swing with God's Word where we've gotten very irreverent with it. We handle it, not carelessly, but we could be a lot more careful with it. There's got to be a middle ground. How can we instill in our children a sense of awe and reverence for God's Word, His majesty, but also be mindful that they're children.

Heidi Franz Host 04:42

Yes, very much so. In our mind, we want to create this mini church service. Instead, this needs to be, depending upon their ages, a few moments of reading the Bible, praying and, if you want to add in a song, maybe a hymn or a Sunday school song. But it does not need to be an extensive time. I went into this and I thought my kids would say, “Oh, mom, let's do yet another Bible story.’” Or “Thank you, thank you for leading me.” But that could not be further from the truth. I have pictures of my kids asleep on the couch while their Daddy was reading the Bible to them. It's just a reality.

So set those expectations with these questions. Are you going to allow the kids to play quietly while you read, or do you want them sitting beside you? Can they sit in front of you? What can you do to help those kids be successful?

One of the things that I found very helpful is to put those little ones in your lap, put one in daddy's lap. Put one on each side of you and keep them close.  Cuddle just like you would when reading a picture book.   

Speaking of the Bibles, I think the most important thing you can do is make sure that you are using an age-appropriate Bible for the kiddos.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 06:10

Not only the version that you're using to read out loud, but the stories that you're choosing for your family devotions time. 

Also I love giving my child a Bible to hold.  It's not going to matter if pre-readers don't know where they're.  But as the child begins to read, turn to the Bible story and let them know that they can follow along. Let them know that it might sound a little different because you're going to read from a different version, but it's the same story.  It's still God's word.

And then, as they become more fluent readers,  popcorn read having them read a word. You read the next word. Then grow from there to a sentence and a sentence. So you are continuing to pass that baton.

Such a foundational part of ABCJesusLovesMe are the verses found in Deuteronomy 6:4-9, about impressing God's word on hearts and their minds.  We do that by letting them take ownership of scripture and of their faith and having that organic process in the home.  We make it so much harder than it has to be.

Heidi Franz Host 07:14

And I think that happens because our expectations are so messed up. We want this grandiose mini church. I hope that this doesn't sound irreverent, but we need to look at family devo times more like reading a picture book to our children. I wouldn't read 17 picture books when they're tired and we've had a long day, but yet I want them to sit quietly for a Bible story.

One of the things that my husband did that gave our kids a solid foundation in Bible stories was to start at the beginning of The Beginner's Bible. This is a perfect Bible for preschool age children. He would read a number of stories based upon what we had done that day, how tired the kids were, what time it was. There were some times when he would read one Bible story. It would take literally 90 seconds. There were other times where he would read three or four Bible stories.

When he finished that story, they would pray, the kids would go to bed and then the next night we'd pick up wherever that was.  There wasn't an agenda or pressure to move from a certain story to the next. We just rolled through. When he finished at the last story about heaven in The Beginner's Bible. He started over at Genesis and read again. Then the kids started looking at The Beginner’s Bible during the day because those stories became very familiar to them. It was like they were replaying it as they looked at the pictures.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 08:57

An interesting point was the connection they made of what they were being read, when they were little, to becoming active readers and really spending time in God's word as they grew.

Heidi Franz Host 09:08

This goes right along with the idea that children need to understand that there's a difference between picture books and a children's Bible. There are pictures in both, but the difference is that the Bible is true. It is God's word. When we're looking at an age-appropriate Bible, does it go along with what God's word is? We have a podcast about how to choose a children's Bible and what Bibles that we suggest, and I will also link that in the show notes.

In review, first set realistic expectations

Second, I would encourage you that if your spouse is going to be in the same room and you guys are going to do family devos together, know who is going to fulfill what role. This will make things much easier.

Third, are you using an age-appropriate Bible? Once the kiddos have learned the Bible stories from a children's Bible, make that transition over to a real Bible.

The next tip is to include active listening. A lot of the behavior problems happen during family devotions because our expectations aren't realistic. The kids get bored and they are tired, so they start messing with things. Pillows are being thrown and they're pinching their brother.  You know exactly what I'm talking about! You’ve had the exact same thing happen because child were not being active listeners. We're expecting them to sit like church mice when that's not age appropriate. It's not a realistic expectation.  Melanie, what are some things that you did to make this more of an interactive activity for the kids and not just something that they were consumers?

Melanie Simpson Co-host 11:08

I think one of the most important things with active listening is to engage the child by asking questions. Pause and say, “What do you think it would have felt like to see Jesus and the disciples, handing out all those fish and bread?” Or “How would that make you feel to know that you were so hungry and Jesus cared about how hungry you were?”

Heidi Franz Host 11:30

I love that. Kids love to role play. When you are talking about David and Goliath, grab some rolled up socks and pretend to throw those across the room and have dad pretend to fall down like Goliath. It doesn't just have to be a sit and listen time. Role play with it. Use props and visuals.

If this seems really overwhelming to you, I want to invite you to look at the ABCJesusLovesMe website, where I have written out Bible stories specifically for preschoolers in age-appropriate ways that include interactive learning.

Betty Lukens flannelgraph is included if you want to give a visual for the kids.  As you talk about creation, let the kids put on the flannelgraph the sun and the moon and the stars. Now, that is 100% optional. We're just giving you a lot of options today for you to decide what works for your family.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 12:37

You can use play dough to make the people in the story.

All of this doesn't have to take place in that 10, 15 minute window. If you have kids at home with you during the day, you can do Bible time at lunchtime. Tell the kids, “Let's color these Bible coloring sheets. We're going to get these out later when dad comes home and do Bible time together.” Or while you're preparing dinner, have your child sit down and say, “Here are some popsicle sticks and yarn. We're going to talk about Joseph and his brothers later tonight.  I want you to make some people for our Bible time.”  

This leads us into the next point of not confining Bible time to your 10- or 15-minute window.  Deuteronomy 6:4-9 tells us that we are to be talking about God, His Word, His Son, and the Spirit throughout the day. We're not going to pack it all into our devotion time.

Heidi Franz Host 13:22

Looking at the math again, Melanie, let's say you're spending six hours a week on Bible, three at church and then three hours spread out over the week at home for family devos. Six hours a week.  You're still looking at only 3.6% of your week. 3.6%! Bible learning can not be a one-and-done. The word of God and prayer need to be part of your every day life.  It's not just a few minutes in the evening, and then we set it to the side.

Melanie, let's hit on some of the tough topics. Let's say your spouse sees no need for family devos or your spouse has very structured ideas about what devos should look like. I'm going to be very transparent, Melanie.  My husband and I have not always agreed on what devos should look like for our family. Throughout the stages, he and I have had to come to an agreement on what would work for our family.

What do you do if your spouse is either not on board at all or if you two are fighting on what this time should look like?

Melanie Simpson Co-host 14:41

That's a great question, Heidi. My initial response is what does Scripture tell us? Wives, submit to your husbands.  That phrase and that passage has been turned around, flushed down the toilet and pulled back out. But when you have a difference of opinion of what it should look like.  It's going to come down to prayer and asking God to give you unity. Unity does not mean sameness. Unity is that you're of the same mind. This is important. How we go about doing it might be, for example, one time mom does it this way, another time dad does it that way. At lunchtime I do it this way, and then dad's going to come home and do it later this way.

Heidi Franz Host 15:23

And we can't expect our husbands to do it just like we do. I am a very different person than my husband.  I want my children to hear the word from him, because he's going to bring different aspects of it than I do.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 15:42

In our household Jeff does not enjoy reading out loud. He would rather do the dishes than read out loud. I love to read out loud. Oftentimes I would take that part and then he would ask the questions.

And I'm going to be totally transparent here, Heidi.  There have been seasons where we have not had a family devotional time. And guess what? I'm still a Christian, and Jesus and God still love me.

Heidi Franz Host 16:13

And our kids still have learned God's word. Thank you for saying that. 100% the same thing has happened in our home.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 16:27

It doesn’t mean that we're not going to church together. And it doesn't mean that in the meantime we can't be humbly asking the Lord to help give us a vision for how we can have it again or how we can have it the first time.

Kind of circling back to your original question. When you have a husband and wife who are on different pages, I still say start with prayer and then from there asking yourself: What are the things we don't want to bend on and what can be bend on?  I love that you pointed out that you and your spouse are different people.  We need to have grace for different personalities, different learning styles.  I have two kiddos who are not auditory learners.  I really have to be mindful because that makes it a challenge.

What would you say in terms of these hot topic issues that seem to crop up?

Heidi Franz Host 17:13

f your spouse does not want to have a family devotion, do a pseudo family devotion in the car with your kids when you're driving to school that morning. If your kids are reading out loud, have them read something, and then you guys pray together while you're driving. For younger kiddos, The Beginner's Bible is available on CD or on MP3.  Listen to a couple of stories and then talk about them as you are driving. It doesn't have to just happen in your home.

Melanie Simpson Co-host 17:47

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the YouVersion has a YouVersion Kids.  Play it through your phone.

You mentioned earlier singing songs together.  Seeds Family Worship provides scripture set to music. There are so many ways to hide God's word in your children’s hearts.

Heidi Franz Host 18:06

One of the time that we also utilized in our home was the sit-in-the-car-wait-time.  This was waiting in car rider line or for a doctor's appointment to begin.  I kept a Bible in the vehicle and we would just start wherever we had left off and end when we needed to.  Again, making it your own and what it needs to look like for your family.

Let's hit one more tough spot and then we will land this plane. What do you do when kids don't want to come to family devotions? They refuse to answer questions; they're just angry the entire time. Is it optional?

Melanie Simpson Co-host 18:52

It was not optional in our home, but participation in so much as answering questions or that sort of thing was optional. It's like church attendance.  It is a spiritual discipline.  Family devotionals, family Bible study, whatever you want to call it, is part of that discipline of spending time in God's word as a follower of Christ. That's not optional, it's a privilege.

Heidi Franz Host 19:18

In our family, everyone attends if they are home, while the participation was optional. There were times, though, that I would ask a question and I would sit quietly until an answer was given, and once an answer was given, I was happy to move on. You talk frequently about being a student of your child and knowing if you are dealing with a heart issue.  Is this something we need to put tighter boundaries on, or is this something I need to just let God take care of and I need to step back?

Melanie Simpson Co-host 19:59

In all of that, don't take the bait. And what I mean by that is a kid who's tired, sullen, just doesn't want to be there. Don't let that color the tone of the entire experience. You can still have a joyful heart.  You can be at peace because you are sharing God's word. You're feasting on His word. Don't let the lowest common denominator drag you down that day.

Heidi Franz Host 20:26

Yeah, that's a great reminder to all of us. And then we also need to model excitement to be in the Word. If it's something that we're doing strictly to check it off and hurry up and get in bed, the kids are going to pick up on that. But if you're looking at this as a time to connect with your family and to learn and grow alongside them, it's going to change everything.

Melanie, to close, let's just pray for the parents and grandparents who are listening right now, that God would bless this time.

God, I thank you for the opportunity to share the mistakes that we've made, but also how we have seen these times in our family grow beautifully, as our children’s hearts have grown in their understanding of you and your love for them.

God, I pray that if there is a person out there right now who feels this is something that they need to do, pave the way for them to start this. I pray for the conversation that they'll have with their spouse. God, I pray that you would lead them to the resources that will be best for their family.

I pray that they would not be discouraged but instead would remember that this is a marathon, it's not a 50-yard dash.  That there will probably be more failures than success, but that you see every attempt, every desire to impress Your word on the hearts of our children.

God, we thank you that we don't do this alone, that you supply the energy and the strength and the wisdom. God, I pray that You would help us do what You have called us to do.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Announcer 22:32

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Heidi Franz

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Melanie Simpson

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