Parenting to Impress

God, Sleep, and Sanity: How to Train Your Child to Sleep In, Part 2

• Heidi Franz @ ABCJesusLovesMe • Episode 72

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Discover how to train children to respect wake-up times and stay in bed, allowing parents to reclaim their mornings for essential quiet time with God. In this episode we share 7 practical tips and a step-by-step training process that works for even the most determined early risers.

If you haven't downloaded our Free Bedtime Routine Visual Schedule, check out this link. And for more on establishing a meaningful quiet time with God, listen to our previous episode on that topic.

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Thanks for listening!

Heidi Franz:

In the last Parenting to Impress podcast, we talked about building a solid bedtime routine that would work. We showed you how to introduce the routine and gave five tips that make a huge difference. If you haven't taken the time to download the free bedtime visual schedule, be sure to see the show notes. But, melanie, you and I both know that just because you get the kids in bed doesn't mean that they stay in bed, and for us, our big challenge was those kiddos that rose early in the morning. How do you train a child to sleep in and not want to get up just because they woke up in the middle of the night? That's what we're going to cover today in this podcast episode.

Heidi Franz:

Welcome back to Parenting to Impress, your go-to podcast to learn practical ways to love God and love others and impress this on the hearts of your children. I am your host, heidi Franz, and I am joined by my dear friend, melanie Simpson. Heidi Franz and I am joined by my dear friend, melanie Simpson two moms who have made a lot of mistakes but have found grace and truth along the way. So here's the challenge we're going to talk about today Melanie Early risers, exhausted mamas, but yet we still want to spend time with God. Is it even possible?

Melanie Simpson:

Well, sure, all things are possible through Christ who loves us. To take a Bible verse out of context, it is you and I have both seen the fruit of this, but as with everything else, it comes down to training.

Heidi Franz:

Absolutely, and I've said many times in this podcast. My life changed. My life changed. It changed the day I chose to wake up before my young children to spend time with God. It really did. It's not all. The days went well, nobody disobeyed anymore and all meals on the supper table were gourmet. That's not it at all, but it changed my heart. It changed my attitude.

Melanie Simpson:

It makes all the difference in the world when you have 15, 20 minutes, 30 minutes to be alone with the Lord. Like you said, it's not a promise that your day is going to go perfect, but it is an anchor because the rest of the day you can return to whatever you read or meditated on or prayed, or worship song you sang. It really does make a difference.

Heidi Franz:

Yeah, this Holy Spirit brings to mind those ideas that you read, listened to, prayed about, heard from God while you had that time. Now let me just say real quickly, if we're talking about a quiet time and you are going, I have no idea what they're talking about we'll put in the show notes a podcast that we did on quiet time and how to spend time with God. I encourage you to check that out. But this one we're going to specifically talk about how to instill it when you have those young kids at home. So, first off, we have seven tips for early risers. Melanie, let's start with tip number one. Set a family wake-up time For us. That meant our kiddos could leave their rooms at seven o'clock in the morning. What was the wake-up time that you guys had? And it's changed, obviously as your kids get older and the dynamics. But what was the wake-up time that you guys had? And it's changed, obviously as your kids get older and the dynamics. But what was yours? Right, right.

Melanie Simpson:

I would love to tell my teenagers you have to stay in your room until seven. It's more like you have to get up before 10 am.

Heidi Franz:

Yes, yes, yes, teenagers is a very different problem, isn't it? Yes?

Melanie Simpson:

Yes, I mean ours was similar. There was a season where we had kiddos I think 630 was the time because they were already getting up between five and 530. And so it was pushing it for them to be alone in a room. And that's the other thing too, is our kids shared rooms, right? We also had kind of a different situation where if they got up, they could come and sit in a chair like a specific place in the living room with a basket of books. I love that, but it was quiet. It was not, you know, not playing drums and you know all the noisy toys.

Heidi Franz:

Yeah for sure. So the key here to this step number one is to decide as a family what is that time going to be. And then step number two is give the child a visual clue of when that time is or is not, Because kids don't understand numbers. When they see 545 on their clock, they have no idea if that is five minutes to seven o'clock or four hours to seven o'clock, and so giving them that visual cue can really help. We used a timer on a nightlight. That was one of the first ones we used. What did you use?

Melanie Simpson:

We had a piece of tape that we had. We had an old analog clock and we had a piece of tape and so when they could see when the two hands two pieces of tape that we had we had an old analog clock and we had a piece of tape and so when they could see when the two hands two pieces of tape, when the two hands were hit the tape they could get up. But we have all sorts like they've got a hatch nightlight now, they have alarm clocks that have like colors.

Heidi Franz:

They have all sorts of nifty things now Things that we didn't have when our kids were little. Right, I use tape, yeah, yes, well, and I use tape also, but with a digital clock. I covered up the minutes so only the hour was showing, and then I put a piece of paper with the number seven on it, so when the seven matched the seven, they knew they could get up. So it depends upon the age of your kids what you can use, but there are so many options for you during those younger years to help them know what time it is. That's tip number two. Here's tip number three Don't rush in just because the child is awake, and this is one that I think instinctively.

Heidi Franz:

We want to be there for our kids and so when we hear them, we automatically go in. But a lot of times the child will go back to sleep if we just leave them. I mean, you think about it as an adult, how many times you wake up in the middle of the night. But we instinctively look at the clock and know, oh, I have so much more time to sleep and we just need to allow our bodies to go back to sleep.

Melanie Simpson:

Like I said, our kids shared rooms and so stirring from another child would cause them to stir and, like you said, waiting it out. Now I will say there were times, because of that sharing situation, where I could go grab a kid before they woke up everybody else and just settle them on the couch and they would go back to sleep. Every situation is different, but our goal was to let the majority of the kids sleep the longest.

Heidi Franz:

Exactly Okay. Tip number four I wrote this one because it's one that I really failed on, and I think that's what made some of our sleeping a struggle. And this is it Don't make sleep the goal. What do you mean by that? I realized that I could not make my children sleep, and sometimes they would wake up, let's say, at 5.30 in the morning. I'd be like they must go to sleep, they must go to sleep when, if I would have made the goal that they could just stay in their bed, they could read, they just had to stay calm and quiet, it would have taken a lot of pressure off me. It would have taken a lot of pressure off me. It would have taken a lot of pressure off of them.

Melanie Simpson:

That's true. I mean and I think that's the same thing with making kids eat there are some things that you simply cannot do, and having that established routine is 95% of the battle. Realizing what is out of your control is very freeing, you know, because then you go. Okay. My goal is not to hover and to keep going back in and comforting. It's just to realize that they're okay in their crib with a lovey and a book.

Heidi Franz:

Okay, tip number five remember sleep phases happen, melanie. I remember so well when my kids were little. I would feel like we got into a really good routine and then something would happen and I'd be like why in the world? Now we're waking up in the middle of the night and we've done this for three nights. Everything is lost. We have to start over when in reality, it was just a phase.

Melanie Simpson:

Yeah, especially when you have more than one kid, because you feel like at least one child is going through that at a time. Yeah, you're right about that one. Can everybody just sleep at the same time, please? Yeah.

Heidi Franz:

Yeah, and understanding that those phases are typically very short, right, and so we work through them and then we go right back to those routines, those procedures that we have set up. Yeah, we kind of mentioned this one before. But tip number six is a small toy can sometimes help. We don't want it to turn into playtime, right, you know, two o'clock in the morning playing with Legos is not at all what we want. But just giving the child a lovey to hold can really help them go back to sleep.

Melanie Simpson:

They have all sorts of sweet little toys that like glow or they have lavender in them. It's just figuring out what is helpful. But also can I just say don't give your child 15,000 options. Then it becomes every single night I want something different. So maybe have two items and that's it. Like these are your two choices for bedtime or for being in your bed.

Heidi Franz:

I like that idea. Okay, tip number seven is be consistent. It's worth it Because that goal of being able to spend time with Jesus it's attainable, it's very attainable. But consistency is what's going to get you there. Being wishy-washy, trying different toys or trying different wake-up clocks. Trying different toys or trying different wake-up clocks as we talked about in last episode, part one, about blackout curtains Continually trying different things is just going to frustrate you. You're going to have a lot of expense and the child is going to realize you're not being consistent. So be consistent, it will pay off.

Melanie Simpson:

I'll just throw in here too. Psalm 4, verse 8 is In peace, I will lie down and sleep for you alone, lord. Make me dwell in safety. Now, as a two and three year old, we would just say I can go to sleep because God keeps me safe. So we would tell them if you wake up in the middle of the night and you feel worried and not say scared, just worried say I can go to sleep because God is keeping me safe. You train on this, not at bedtime, it can be part of your nighttime wind down routine when you pray, and then just say what are we going to do if we wake up? We're going to pray to God. I can go to sleep because God is keeping me safe.

Heidi Franz:

Yeah, I like that. So, after reading these seven gentle tips when I put them on the Parenting to Impress blog, shelly asked this question, and this is a great question. I understand your tips, but how do I actually train a child to stay in their room until I come and get them? My three year old comes into our bed every morning between 4 and 5 am and goes back to sleep. I know he needs more sleep, but I also need my morning quiet time help.

Heidi Franz:

Many of us can relate to that problem. We know our child needs more sleep, but we've gotten into this habit and we're unsure how to break it. So, taking these seven tips, plus the points that we made last time about creating routines, let's talk about Shelly's question, and I will begin with yes, it is possible, just with some time and consistency. So here we go. Step number one introduce the visual cue to the child. That's where we talked about that wake-up clock using the tape on clocks, a timer on a nightlight. Introduce it to the child and I encourage you to begin using it in a really exciting, positive way. Like you, are a big boy now and because of that I'm going to let you have some responsibility.

Melanie Simpson:

You will be able to know when to wake up, when to come out of your room.

Heidi Franz:

In just very simple ways, explain that mommy wants to have quiet, to wake up when to come out of your room. In just very simple ways, explain that mommy wants to have quiet time with God and thus you need to stay in your room. You can do X, y and Z. Choose what the child can do and what the child can't do. And then I would encourage you to actually practice this procedure. Set a timer and tell the child I want you to go sit on your bed until the timer goes off and you can read as soon as the timer goes off, whether this is a wake-up clock or the light on the night light turns on. Whatever you do, practice with that for one minute and then have the child come to you and then go in and do it again, and this time set it so it will go off in two minutes and let the child practice, have great success quickly and reward that success with a great big hug and praise of that child being patient, patient, of using the visual clue that you gave them to use. Then step number two talk about it at bedtime. If it's a nightlight, plug it in together. If it is tape on the clock, remind the child. This is what we're looking for. Don't put a lot of pressure on the child. We don't want this to be a stressful thing. We want it to be a positive experience.

Heidi Franz:

And then step number three, morning. How does it work out? What you do in the morning is so important for that child. If you have an angel child, they will stay on their bed and wait for you and things will go great. You praise them and it's all all good, and you continue with your day. If you have a textbook child, they may forget or they may just want to see. If that boundary is going to be firm, that's okay. Calmly, without words. Take them back to their bed then when, when the timer goes off, then they can get out.

Heidi Franz:

But the next one we're going to talk about is the spirited child. And, melanie, I wish I could say that I had a wealth of wisdom on the spirit tutorial. It can be a challenge, but the biggest thing that I can say is be consistent. Don't yield. That child is looking to see are the boundaries going to be firm? And it may take more than two, three, four mornings. The one thing that I would add if you have a spirited child is bring in support. If you need, do this on a Saturday when your husband can provide extra support when that child gets out of their bed. And then step number four is you just keep doing it Day after day. Stay the course, even when it's tough, reinforce with consistency and celebrate progress. Melanie, tell me, did you have an angel child, textbook child, spirited child? How was this process for?

Melanie Simpson:

you. We had all three of those often in the same child at different times. So we talked about I think in the first part of this episode is we did things a little bit differently. Think in the first part of this episode is we did things a little bit differently. We allowed our children to come sleep on the floor next to our bed, not in our bed, and they weren't supposed to wake us up. They just came in and they could lay down. Then I was up and I had an early riser. They knew they could sit in their chair quietly, they could color or read, but they knew my time with Jesus was important to everyone in the house.

Melanie Simpson:

So I would just say, regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of how you handle bedtimes, bed routines, it is still the same pathway forward, which is you decide as a family this is what we're going to do and you stay consistent, Because children do not thrive in confusion People don't right, Adults don't either, but particularly children and make that decision. This is what we're going to do and this is what's acceptable. This is what's not acceptable. I will say this there have been seasons in our lives, Heidi, where things were just not great for me personally, and I tried to take training off the table in those moments, those days. And what I mean by that is I opted not to introduce a new thing during a time when I was stressed out, because it never ended well, absolutely, and that is so wise.

Heidi Franz:

I appreciate you saying that. Psychiatrists say focus on one thing at a time with that child, do not try to change everything in their world. I think for us a really good time was for me to introduce it on a Friday. We typically did not have events or activities that day. Done it on Friday morning, practice it Friday morning, we would talk about it Friday night and then Daddy was home on Saturday and Sunday to help. Now again, every family is going to be a little bit different, but that's how we did it. Also, for us to introduce it on Friday morning. Then the child was able to talk to daddy about it Friday night and that added to the excitement. Also, it helped me know if they understood how they described it to daddy.

Melanie Simpson:

I think, overall. Your note, though, is none of this lasts forever. Think about when you have a colicky baby. You think that you're going to have a colicky teenager, but you won't, I promise. It can feel really wearying when you have a kiddo that is all out of sorts at bedtime, all out of sorts with wake times, really, at the end of the day, I'm all out of sorts with wake times, really at the end of the day. Heidi and I are just encouraging you to stay the course. You may only have one victory in four days, but the next week you will have two, and it compounds. So just stay the course.

Heidi Franz:

As my husband reminds me frequently, parenting is a marathon. We are not going to be able to fix all problems in a week, two weeks, a month, a year, and I will say even in 18 years.

Melanie Simpson:

And you remind me, I think it's Love and Logic. They talk about the time it takes to replace a I'll call it a bad habit with a new one in a child. What's the ratio? Again, yeah.

Heidi Franz:

So for every one year of poor behavior or routine, it takes one month to turn that around. That's according to love and logic. For every one year, it takes one month. So let's say you have a three-year-old never created a bedtime routine or they get up whenever they want to A three-year-old, it would take three months to turn things around. Okay, three months is 12 weeks. Yeah, 12 weeks of consistency. 12 weeks of consistency and, lord willing, for most kids, in 12 weeks you would be able to enjoy bedtime and you would be able to have a quiet time with the Lord man. 12 weeks it's one of those sayings I can do anything for 12 weeks.

Melanie Simpson:

And a lot of kiddos. It won't take that long. It really doesn't. Their physical little bodies need sleep, so it'll happen faster than that. I wanted to remind our listeners of that because it is an encouragement to know that it's possible. I think for me like to have a timeframe in my mind just to kind of shoot, for it reminds me it's not going to take me three more years to redo it.

Heidi Franz:

If we could sit down on a couch across from you, the listener, we would say it's worth it for that time with the Lord. And when you're consistent, setting those expectations with that child, it's going to make everything better. It really will make things better. Because sleep is so important, I would say to you, mama, you got this and if you need support, please reach out to us. We would love to walk alongside you and encourage you. Melanie, can you close in prayer for the sweet mamas who are listening, please? Yes.

Melanie Simpson:

Heavenly Father, you are so good to us and you love us so much. You made us to have these physical bodies that require rest. So, lord, would you help us to know best how to build a healthy routine for our children and for ourselves, to build healthy routines for sleep and for waking not just so that we can be healthy and maybe even more importantly, that the moms and dads and caregivers out there will have time in the mornings to devote to seeing your word, to reading your word, to spending time with you in prayer and worship, so that, lord, they are prepared to take on whatever comes their way that day. Lord, we thank you for these families. We thank you for the way you have created us to love others and love you. And so, lord, we just pray that in all of these things, that you would be glorified. Amen, amen. We want to thank you for listening to the Parenting to Impress podcast. Be sure to visit abcjesuslesbiancom and check out the show notes for more information on topics shared in this episode. Please subscribe and share with your friends.

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Heidi Franz

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Melanie Simpson

Co-host