When It Doesn’t Go as Planned

About a year ago, Melanie and I recorded a podcast episode we didn’t know would be our last for quite some time. The break wasn’t planned, but life required it. 2025 brought confusion, heartbreak, grief, and parenting decisions that didn’t come with clear answers. In this podcast, we share why that pause happened and what God has been teaching us along the way.

Helpful Links from this Episode:

• How to Pray the Scriptures
• New Morning Mercies by Paul Tripp (ad)

Episode Sponsor:  ABCJesusLovesMe.com, an educational ministry that equips adults with the materials needed to be intentional in educating children.

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Thanks for listening!

Chapters

• 0:00 Return After A Year Away
• 0:38 New Curriculum And Personal Strain
• 2:11 Grief, Release, And Mental Health
• 4:34 Melanie’s Word “More” Reframed
• 6:50 Divorce, Community, And Surprising Joy
• 9:39 The Weighty Decision And Panic
• 12:02 Freedom From Fear Of Wrong Choices
• 14:18 No Formula Parenting And Ownership
• 17:10 Voices, Influence, And Spiritual Discernment
• 19:13 Praying Scripture And New Morning Mercies
• 22:01 Grace, Sin, And Honest Self-Examination
• 24:07 Releasing “Why” And Moving Forward
• 26:12 Presence In Suffering And Big Life Changes
• 28:13 Slow Healing And The Shepherd’s Care

Transcript

Heidi, Host: 00:00

Melanie, I never dreamed that about a year ago when we podcast that that would be our last one for about 12 months. And that's because neither one of us saw what was gonna happen. We didn't, we had no idea. The very different stories. We both have experienced confusion, heartbreak, grief. We want to come today in this podcast acknowledging why that break occurred and what we have learned through this story. 

Welcome back to Parenting to Impress, your go-to podcast to learn practical ways to love God and love others, and impress this on the hearts of your children. I am your host, Heidi Franz, and I'm joined by my dear friend Melanie Shuster, two moms who have made a lot of mistakes, but have found grace and truth along the way.

Melanie, I said that both of us have experienced quite a bit in 2025, and I'm just gonna dive in and then I'll let you share.

First of all, in 2025, God gave me a vision or a dream or a plan to rewrite the entire ABCJesusLovesMe 1-5 Year Curricula. I'd never done all five Curricula at one time. I had done new editions individually, but I hadn't done all five of them at the same time. I didn't think it would be a big deal, and it ended up taking me about 12 months, really seeking God on what He wanted me to add and change. Because of that, I pulled back from a lot of the things that I was doing because I needed to have my energy and focus on the third edition. 

But on a personal side, we have dealt with some extreme parenting struggles. I've been very upfront and honest about our parenting journey. It kind of all came to a head in 2025. We released a child in a way that I didn't think we would ever do. I didn't think this was the path that we would be on. I never saw ourselves doing what we did. And with that brought, I will say, grief that I had not experienced since my sister was killed. It was hard. And it wasn't just a one and done. 

I backed away from even more things for mental health and being able to make sense of what I was experiencing, not as that I needed to understand what God was doing, but what did I need to do next?

Melanie, Co Host: 02:59

Yeah. And I think just to process what was happening. I mean, it wasn't something that you could just like get away for a weekend, figure it out, and come back.

Heidi, Host: 03:09

Yeah. And it was affecting all of us, my entire family. It wasn't something that I could just put to the side. 

Melanie, Co-host: 03:15

Yeah, you couldn't compartmentalize this. 

Heidi, Host: 03:20

Yes. So because of that, 2025 was hard. And I will say it continues into 2026. We're learning that next step we need to take.

Melanie, Co-host: 03:31

Yeah.

Heidi, Host: 03:32

Melanie, 2025 was a hard year for you. I went back and looked at what the goal was for 2025. Do you happen to remember that podcast that we did? 

Melanie, Co-host: 03:45

Well, I know my word of the year last year was more. 

Heidi, Host: 03:50

Yeah. We had no idea when you said that word “more” what that was gonna entail. So I'm gonna let you take the mic and share what you desire.

Melanie, Co Host: 04:03

First, I would say God definitely gave me more, but not in the way that I anticipated. He gave me more of himself, he gave me more of his presence, more of his provision, more of his loving kindness. He increased more my dependency on him, on others. He grew, he gave me more community. And they showed up in more ways. That word stands firm as the word for 2026. 

But 2025 started with, sadly, the dissolution of a 26-year marriage, which set into motion a series of events that has forever changed myself, my children, but not all bad. There have been so many small and large moments of utter overwhelming love from the Lord, from him directly and him through the hands and feet of Christ. It offered an opportunity to be in awe of who he is. While I would never wish what happened on anyone. I think my take continues to be he never wastes our suffering. And every opportunity in this life to be sanctified through difficult circumstances, it is it is an opportunity to continue to live with joy and peace in things that somebody on the outside looking in would be like, what is going on? Why? Why do they have joy? Why do they have peace?

Heidi, Host: 05:41

That's unexplainable. So, in that, I think both of us can say that God has stretched us and grown us in way that ways that we never even imagined possible could occur. 

Melanie, Co Host:

Absolutely. 

Heidi, Host:

I'm gonna start first here. One of the things that God really taught me… My husband and I were at a point where we had to make a decision. And we were continuing a path towards that decision, trusting that he would guide us. But in that decision, we were scared to death that we were gonna make it wrong.

Melanie, Co Host:

It was a weighty decision.

Heidi, Host:

Yeah. Because there were so many levels to it, no matter which way we went, there was gonna be pain and there was gonna be heartache. And we didn't know which, in some ways, which of the lesser two evils we were supposed to go with. So in this process, I will say that I I moved into a panicking heart of not knowing what to do. And we had a phone call come from a person out of the blue. We do not normally talk to this person, called us up and we explained the situation to him because it it applied to him as well. And he said to me, “Heidi, you and your husband are not going to make a wrong decision.” And it kind of took me back. I was like, how does he know? And he said, “Because I know that you guys aren't just seeking God right now, you have been seeking God the entire time.” Years ago, months ago, days ago, we have been seeking God. And he said, “No matter which decision you do, I know it's gonna be the one you're supposed to do.” And that was so much freedom. The panic, I was able to remove that out of fear of making the wrong choice.

Melanie, Co Host: 07:49

Yeah. It was really interesting to see you in that season because anyone who knows Heidi, that is not her personality. You know, you are a very steady, sure person, you're very confident. And when you have a decision to make, you look at the pros and cons and you make your decision, you move forward. And I haven't known you very many times to look back over your shoulder. But what was so fascinating is in that you lived out what you teach and what you have taught teachers and children throughout the years, is you were relying on the years and years and years of foundation that you had with the Lord. You walked out your faith in that moment when you released the anxiety and you chose to believe just what that person had said. When you are seeking the Lord, when you are living a life of believing him, there is no “wrong decision.” And I think that resonates with a lot of people. 

So I'd love to have you kind of pull that apart a little bit more.

Heidi, Host: 08:53

I live in kind of this black and white thinking. There is right and there is wrong. And I have this conversation with my oldest a lot. But there is also a lot of gray. And I don't think God puts decisions into two buckets of, oh, made the wrong one, oh, she made the right one, way to go.

And this is what he's been saying to me these last couple of years, especially. Take the next step. Stop worrying about if it's the right one, the wrong one, if it's gonna lead to something horrible or something good. Just take the next step in faith that I am walking beside you. You are seeking the Bible. 

And this is so important. We've talked about this in other podcasts, but I'm also seeking wise counsel of people who are also seeking the Bible. I'm looking to see what is God telling my husband? How is this matching up? It wasn't just me picking out a verse going, oh, okay, that's what I'm going to do today. It's seeing God lay it before me, this stepping stone. I want you to step here, and you can step here. Either way, I am beside you for all of this.

Melanie, Co Host: 10:11

It's a step. You're not, you're not stagnant, you weren't standing still, you weren't going backwards. You took the next step. And I think what's really important here is something you've talked about in the ABCJesusLovesMe Preschool Curriculum. There is no formula. It's not a…A plus B equals, you know, like choosing God, reading the Bible gives you a child that will never have any problems. And the other piece to this that's applicable in my life, and I'm sure everyone, is that moving forward in faith is not also a guarantee of a good outcome because that's not how God works. The blessing is not in something tangible in the future. The blessing is in the presence of God as you make that choice and step out in faith. And that's where we've gotten it so twisted, you know, is that we think that if we seek wise counsel, if we go to church, if we read the Bible, we have community, and we, you know, take a step in faith, that guarantees some sort of good outcome in the future.

Heidi, Host: 11:13

We are not talking about if you do something that is against God and then go, well, where are you, God? We're talking about those times when God's not making it perfectly clear. You see positives and negatives for both sides of the options. You see scripture that supports both sides. You have friends, godly women who are praying for you, praying for your children, seeking the word that have differing in opinions.

Melanie, Co Host: 11:47

That's the kind of stuff we're talking about here. That resonates with so many of us because none of us wants to make a wrong decision. And I think that's the easy part, right? We can see a wrong choice and discard it. Right. But what you're speaking to is when there are multiple good options or seemingly good options. I just hope that it encourages parents right now that that's a lot of life is choosing between some good options. What the Lord did is He set you free from that anxiety and fear. It's not like things are rainbows and unicorns, but you have a peace in knowing that you are continuing to take that next step.

Heidi, Host: 12:31

You said the formula of A plus B equals C, and I talk a lot about that in ABCJesusLovesMe Parent and Teacher conferences. When my kids were young, I went and talked to a counselor, and I left so discouraged because he didn't give me the formula. I wanted to know if I do this and I apply this and we sing this and we eat this, that my kids were going to turn out to be godly leaders who read their Bibles daily, who went to church, who served to fill in the blank. And he didn't give me that formula because - spoiler alert. There is no formula. And that was something that I had to come to terms with. 

And you saw me wrestle with it for a long time. I had to come to terms that my almost adult children, I don't own their choices. I own the foundation that I laid for them. I own the example that I am for them. I do not own their choices. And I had a psychiatrist tell me, “You did the work when these children were young.” Now all of my children are making their own choices. And I can't make those decisions for them. And when they make bad choices, that is on them. It is not on me. Now that's hard to say.

Melanie, Co Host: 14:03

I think too, in Christian circles, it is kind of a knee-jerk reaction to, you know, when you see a child who is either a prodigal or is, you know, making bad choices. And I say bad choices, I mean like things that have to do with substance abuse or just way we're living. And I'm guilty of it too. You immediately think, like, oh, what happened? You know, what happened in that household? What happened in that family? And I think both you and I have experienced the guilt sometimes that sneaks in because you do think, what did I do wrong? My sister, so wise, said, “It's interesting that you think you are more knowledgeable and more powerful than God, that you could have formed and molded these children to do something rather than the Lord being sovereign and in control.”

Heidi, Host: 14:55

Well, what she's saying is it's basically pride. 

Melanie, Co Host:

Yes, 100%. 

Heidi, Host:

It is pride that we are saying that if I do what I'm supposed to, then these children are going to turn out like I want them to. God doesn't want my children to turn out like I want them to. One, it makes my life really easy if they would. And two, it looks good. 

The name of our podcast is Parenting to Impress. And I've had people say to me, “Well, why do you want to impress people with your parenting?” No, that's not it at all. It's impressing the truth of God's word (Deuteronomy 6:4-9), that God loves them and God desires for them to obey him. God desires them to love others. And understanding that God's desire is not for me to impress others with my parenting. I think in some ways, he wants to prove to me that he is God. I'm not.

Melanie, Co Host: 15:58

What I will say on this side of the table, we're sitting opposite one another, is it was a blessing to me to see you walk through that. And I know that sounds horrible. I didn't wish it upon you. I don't wish it for you. But the blessing is in seeing a godly woman who day by day, carrying that weight, choose God over and over and over again. And it was such a good reminder. It's not a one and done. As you modeled that, it blessed me. But I know, I know that I know that I know. Your children did not not see it.

Heidi, Host: 16:39

Yeah.

Melanie, Co Host: 16:40

Maybe they don't know the details, right? I mean, there are some things they don't need to know, but they saw you having a hard time. That seems really like surface to say. It was, it was there was grief, deep grief, deep sorrow. And yet you kept choosing the Lord. And that is what we are talking about when we say “Parenting to Impress,” to your point, because it's reminding them that you have a choice in what's going to impress on your kids. Is it going to be the world or is it going to be the Lord? And you can sit back and let the world impress upon them all sorts of things.

Heidi, Host: 17:17

Well, and I would say the world's going to impress them upon them whether you like it or not. Because we can't put them in a bubble. But it's that thing of which voice do you want to be louder? And which voice do you want them to see modeled?

Melanie, Co Host: 17:32

And to be able to hear. We talked about this before. I mean, hearing the Holy Spirit means you have to be able to identify that voice amongst all the others. And you have to be able to hold it up to truth and go, oh, okay, this is what scripture says about God.

Heidi, Host: 17:48

I'm going to do one more and then Mel, I'm going to turn it over to you and you share. 

In my quiet times, I've been reading through the Paul Tripp book, New Morning Mercies. And if you do not have that devotional, I cannot encourage you enough to grab a hold of it. I'll put a link in the show notes for it. 

But continually, Paul Tripp reminds me and the readers: God is good. God is gracious. You are loved, but you are a sinner. In need of that God who is good, who is gracious and loves you. Yesterday in my quiet time, I read Psalm 118. And I think one of the biggest changes that have happened in the last year is how my quiet times look. If you looked at my prayer journal now compared to what my prayer journal looked like a year ago, it is completely different. Most of my prayer journal now is scripture that I am praying. 

So taking Psalm 118, it says, “Give thanks. You are good. You provide faithful love forever. You set me free. You answer me. I can have no fear. You are for me and for my family. I take refuge in you. You are my authority. You rescue me. You are my strength and my song. You have given me victory. You do glorious things. I will live to tell what you have done, these glorious things. Please, Lord, please save us. Please, Lord, please give us success. Shine upon us. You are my God, I praise you. You are my God, I exalt you. You are my God. Your faithful love endures forever.” My prayer time has changed because I haven't known what to pray. And in looking over the scriptures, God has given me words, especially in the Psalms. And it's also given my heart peace. 

Melanie, Co Host: 20:06

I have been through that book as well. I think when you and I did it together off and on and would text back and forth and Marco Polo. And I think the thing that stood out to me in that was how often I miss the greatest gift is his grace. To your point about being a sinner and needing a savior, and that I abuse that grace by being so callous to how often in my day I am sinning. And again, we've talked about this before. It's not in this self-condemning, like, woe is me. But there's that balance of how do I acknowledge the peace and joy and freedom from sin while also continuing to hold sin what it is. I mean, it is an offense to God.

Heidi, Host: 20:53

Absolutely. That actually is what I read today in my quiet time from The New Morning Mercies. Paul Tripp says, “Maybe it's thoughtless words or a selfish act or a prideful thought or a moment of envy, a flash of lust, a willing act of disobedience, an attitude of vengeance, or a minor moment in thievery. Maybe it's bending the truth, giving in to an addiction, or working to make these kinds of things in your life look not as bad as they actually are. In some way, we all give daily proof to the truth that sin still lives inside us.” And we desperately need God's grace. 

Okay, Mel, I have shared what God has taught me, but I have watched you grow. I've watched you seek. I've watched you ask some really hard questions of God. And through all that, God never turned his back on you.

Melanie, Co Host: 21:55

No.

Heidi, Host: 21:56

Share what you learned.

Melanie, Co Host: 21:58

As I said earlier, February of 2025 was the beginning of the end of my marriage. I've been married for 26 years, four children. We've talked about that a lot on the podcast. And at the end of the day, the details don't matter. Because what I have learned to preach to myself is that none of it surprised God. It was not a punishment from God. I could not in a million years reason my way through what happened. 

And God was very kind first like three or four months. He made it clear to me that if I didn't release this need to know why, need to figure it out, need to be able to really get the nuts and bolts of it, I would never move on. And the children would never move on. Because they would just see me continuing to ruminate and stuck. 

Through the help of amazing godly friends, through a Christian counselor, and just the prayers of so many saints, I have found freedom from that. I don't lay awake at night and have all the - my dad's wife call them “the mind monkeys.” 

All that to say, from the moment that the end started, God was present, not just his presence, but the immediate presence of the body of believers. Texts, phone calls, family members coming immediately to be with me, friends showing up immediately to be with me. And the children saw what it was to have a community of believers who were not afraid to press into the really hard stuff of this life. 

I say all that not as a way of dismissing the deep sorrow and grief that we have carried and still carry. I don't say that as a way of being trite about how we've moved on, because none of that is true, other than the Lord has genuinely equipped us and continues to equip us to do, as you said, take the next step. 

There were some big changes that had to take place. I had to get a new job. And in the midst of this, we had a child that graduated high school and then started his technical career. There were a lot of other things that happened this year to the end where I tripped and fell and got a concussion. And as I lay there on the ground, on the concrete, I was just looking up at the sky and going, “Lord, is this it?” Like, are we done? Is 2025 done? It's been a lot. 

And I think ultimately, and I'll say this till the day I die, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. Psalm 23 became real to me in a fresh way because I was reminded, I learned that in that valley, in that dark valley, of course, we know that he's with us. But what I learned is he is with me and he's not rushing me through. When I'm ready, he'll pull me towards the light, he'll pull me out of that pit. But I never felt rushed to get over it or to move on. But it was timely.

And I think when I look back on my life, I can say he never left me nor forsaked me, forsook me. I don't know what that word is. 

Heidi, Host:

You are not left alone. 

Melanie, Co Host:

Yes, yeah. There have been so many things in my life, and we've talked about this before, death of my mother when I was still relatively a young woman, miscarriage, and you know, just all the things that you go through. And it really is. I mean, it's those Ebenezer stones of our the testimony of his faithfulness. And I just kept telling the kids, “God was good before this, he's good in it, and he'll be good afterwards.”

But the moment that really stuck out for me was when my 16-year-old, very shortly after kind of everything happened. I will never forget he was sitting up at the kitchen counter, and I just turned him and with tears in my eyes, said, “Are we gonna be okay?” And he said, “Yeah.” And I was like, Wow, okay. How can you say that with such confidence? And he's like, “Mom, we've got God.” God has us. And that just carried me through in so many ways. And I just think my kids are not out there living as missionaries, they are not pursuing theological degrees. There's still a lot of messiness happening in our lives, but to see them lean into their own faith imperfectly has been another really beautiful gift.

Heidi, Host: 27:21

Mel, this podcast has been a long time coming. I have thought about it frequently. We have scheduled it frequently. And for whatever reason, today was the day that God said, “Yes, I want you guys to move forward with it.” 

To our listeners, I hope you can hear that we are two moms just like you. We make a lot of mistakes, but we have found grace and truth along the way. 

I invite you to come back as we will continue our mission to encourage and empower you as a mom, as a follower of God. Thank you for joining us.

Announcer: 28:09

Thank you for listening to the Parenting to Impress podcast. We invite you to visit the ABCJesusLovesMe.com and ParentingToimpress.com websites. Check out the show notes for more information about topics shared in the episode. Please subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with your friends.